Eli- 2 years, 2 months; Noah- 7 months

Hi, boys!

Sorry for another late post...I'm trying to catch up on these monthly updates :)

ELI

You had a blast on Halloween. We went to the Keeling houses to trick or treat and the next day we had the trunk or treat at Spring Creek. You were Olaf, Noah was Sven, Daddy was Kristoff, and Mommy was Princess Anna. You went around collecting candy and making sure to say thank you, you played games, and went on a hay ride. You also got best boy costume :) You were very cute and loved your costume.
We were at the store and we walked by a lady and you told her "I went potty." She congratulated you lol.
You've learned how to wink and look so cute doing it.
You've been doing a great job with your manners with saying thank you, please, you're welcome, yes ma'am, yes sir, etc.
You argue with us all the time. Sometimes you call me sir and I correct you by saying "yes MA'AM." You argue with me back and forth on it.
You're still doing well with the potty training but you have phases where you have accidents frequently. Thankfully, right now is a good phase. You've been telling me when you need to go and holding it until you get there.
You came up to me the other day and said "Christmas...dinosaurs, dolphins, alligator, and another alligator." :) That's what you want for Christmas :) We'll see what Santa brings.

 the pumpkin you helped carve.

 Daddy's pumpkin

 Mommy's pumpkin

Eli and mommy at the trunk or treat

I caught Eli reading in the chair

NOAH

You are 7 months old! You are scooting across the floor while sitting up and you can also scoot backwards when on your belly. You have no interest in crawling yet, but you do get around a little. You're a good boy and don't cry much. You say "mamamama" and "dadadada." You said mama first :) Eli said dada first when he was your age. You are still refusing to take a bottle and you refuse solids. You've been less chunky than usual so I've been concerned because I don't want you to get so skinny like Eli was last year. Since you're refusing solids they're having you evaluated by a specialist to see if you need any help with eating. I'm sure it will be fine, but it can't hurt to go get you looked at.
You have been having trouble sleeping through the night since you were 4 months old. It's crazy...you were sleeping all night long and doing great then when 4 months hit, you started waking every night and haven't stopped. There will be nights here and there that you do sleep through. Mommy has started sleeping really hard and not hearing you get up at all. Poor daddy has to get up during those times..or he just wakes me up. We're trying to keep a box fan in your room running so you'll stay asleep and so far it's worked....we'll see if this keeps up. 
You still laugh at Eli and love watching everything he does. 

Noah’s birth story, part 2: Birth

To read about all I had to go through to get to this amazing birth, read Noah's birth story, part 1: the VBAC journey

**Disclaimer: While I am a huge home/natural birth supporter, I am not against hospitals/doctors/nurses. I don’t think they’re evil. I think they have a purpose and thank goodness we have those people and procedures like cesarean sections to save lives when it’s needed. I will not think badly of any mother that has a hospital birth. I just want all mothers to do their own research and make informed decisions for the health of themselves and their babies. I only recommend home birth for healthy, low risk pregnancies.

At 2 am Sunday morning when I was 41 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I woke to something strange going on with my body. I was pretty excited, because I knew it meant labor was close! I went ahead to church services. I started having some random contractions throughout the day and I expected to go into labor that night. Well, I was pretty disappointed when I woke up the next morning to not be in labor. Later that day (Monday) I was sitting at the table taking care of some things and I started to leak amniotic fluid. Again, I expected labor to come later that day. I had more contractions but nothing timeable so I gave up trying to keep track and went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night having contractions that were lasting at least 40 seconds, but still were not regular. My midwife had told me to call her when they started lasting that long, no matter the spacing. It was about 2ish am (Tuesday) and we got everything into the car, dropped Eli off with his sitter and left for Cape Girardeau, MO (about 1.5 hours away from our house). The contractions were pretty uncomfortable in the car and I eventually had to get out of my seat to move around to try and relax through them. When I got there, everything slowed down. We waited around for a while, tried some things to pick up labor, and then I decided to let the midwife check me to see what’s going on. She said my cervix was so high she couldn’t even feel it. I was in prodromal labor...not actual labor. ugh! I was really disppointed...especially since I knew that it could last for days before real labor and I was not liking being so uncomfortable. We picked up Eli and went home. I took a nap and tried to relax to make myself more comfortable before labor began. My midwife said that I would know I’m in labor if nothing worked to help me relax and be more comfortable. I woke a couple of times for contractions, but nothing too serious. Eventually, I couldn’t sleep anymore so I got up and instructed Robert on what to feed him and Eli for dinner. I didn’t want dinner...I was feeling nauseous from the smell of it. So I just hung out in the living room and TRIED to eat a sweet potato in an attempt to make the nausea calm down. I was completely useless...the contractions were harder, still irregular, and I was worn out from not having much sleep. My sweet husband took care of everything that night so I could just lie around being miserable. We eventually went to bed but I couldn’t stay there long. The contractions were really uncomfortable while lying down and I couldn’t sleep between or through them. I got up, tried to entertain myself and relax, shower, etc. Nothing was making me comfortable. The contractions started flowing from one to the other...in other words, I was having a constant contraction. NO BREAK (not even seconds) in between. They would still rise and fall a little, but the pain always remained. I was unsure if I was in labor and I hesitated to believe I was because I didn’t want to make another pointless drive out to Missouri. I thought that maybe I was having indigestion or something, but nothing made it better. I became more nauseous and more miserable and I tried walking around the house, sitting on the birth ball, rolling around on the floor, and any other position I could think of to help the discomfort. This lasted for hours and I broke down and cried because I was so miserable and so tired and COULDN’T get any sleep. Eventually Robert woke up because I vomited in the doorway of the bedroom. That sweet guy cleaned it up while I was lying on the floor like an invalid, crying, panicking, etc. Robert said “you NEED to call the midwife. This can’t be normal.” I refused and I said I wasn’t sure that I was in labor (and everyone had said I would KNOW when I was in labor, so I was waiting for that). Robert said we will go to Missouri, and if it turns out I’m not in labor, we will stay in a hotel until it happens so we don’t have to drive back again. This was good to me, so I called the midwife, crying and not being able to really talk through the discomfort. She told me to attempt to slow down labor and drive to her house as soon as possible. This was at about 3ish (?) am on Wednesday morning. Again, we packed up the car and dropped Eli off with the sitter. I was in a lot of pain when we got to their house and begged Robert to hurry. We drove on to Missouri...the MOST MISERABLE CAR RIDE OF MY LIFE! I couldn’t sit, stand, lie down, whatever. I just screamed and moaned and panicked and cried. Poor Robert thought something was wrong so he kept updating me on how far we had to go and kept reminding me to relax my body. I was feeling SO MUCH PRESSURE that I didn’t know if we would make it in time. I prayed that we would. I knew Noah had to be sitting very low for me to feel that much pressure.


We FINALLY arrived at the home of the midwife (I wanted a home birth but I couldn’t have it at my own home, so she let me use hers. Still just as good for me :) ). Robert put my shoes on and helped me up the stairs. He knocked on the door (which is funny to me) and the midwife said that we should have just come on in. I felt so relieved once we got there. I immediately was able to relax and I FINALLY started getting a short break between contractions (ahhh :) ). I am absolutely sure that the coaching from the midwife and doula combined with my hubby rubbing my back was the reason I was able to feel better. I was still miserable, but labor was so much easier once we were at the “birth house.” We didn’t bother timing contractions, by this point I realized I was just not going to get regular contractions and was going to have a weird labor. I leaned over the couch while they were filling up the birth pool. Once the water was warm enough, I got in and it was amazing. The contractions were still uncomfortable, of course, but the warm water and the weightless feeling really helped me relax. I loved that pool. I didn’t want any checks during labor but I did want to know how close I was to having a baby. I expected Noah to come the next night or something. The midwife gave me a semi-check while I was in the pool to see how low Noah was. She showed me with her finger how much further he had to go until he’s out. I asked how much longer I had to go and was told that I was “probably” at 9 cm (they didn’t do a full examination since I didn’t want that). I immediately became happier and smiled. I said “my baby is going to be born today?” and they answered “without a doubt!” I was so happy. Robert took a picture of me then and I would put it here but I look really disgusting and worn out. 

I prepared a bunch of food and gatorade/water for labor to keep my energy up but I never thought to eat or drink anything. They did make sure I was taking sips of gatorade/water and taking bites of a banana after contractions, even though I didn’t really feel like having any of it. During the entire labor, I only had a few bites of sweet potato, a few bites of banana, a few sips of water, and one bottle of gatorade. 

It was taking longer than expected for me to feel the urge to push, so the midwife checked me and found that I had an anterior cervical lip that needed to get past baby’s head so he could come out. So we waited a little while for me to dilate past that lip, but then they told me to get out of the pool and lay on the floor. I was not happy about this part. Laying on my back on the hard floor was the most uncomfortable position to be in. We did this so the midwife could help me push past the cervical lip. I pushed while being on the floor and the rest of my water broke. This part really surprised me, because it was a huge gush of water that exploded into the air! haha. I asked if that was my water breaking and if I had done that myself (it was all me). I was able to get back in the pool after that and start pushing. Now I didn’t much like the pool anymore because I was hot and sweaty and the water was hot. My hair was in my face driving me nuts so Robert took a cold rag to wipe my face several times. I tried many positions: hands and knees, squatting, leaning back, standing into a squat...nothing was getting the baby out. I felt like I was making no progress at all. I thought I would be pushing forever. The midwife then instructed me to either lay on the floor again or get in the bed because I needed to lay on my side. Noah was stuck on my pubic arch, so we needed to get him past that. I refused to go back to that floor and stayed in the pool a little longer. They suggested the bed again so I gave in and got out of the pool. They took my gown off because it was soaked. We got in the bed and the midwife had Robert hold my legs so I wouldn’t have to just suspend my leg on my own. This part seemed to take so long. I kept pushing and pushing and I felt nothing was happening but they assured me that he was coming. They had me touch his head and I felt his little head hair. His head was squishy and slimy, which was surprising to me. It was kind of gross, actually :)

They took a picture of him crowning to show me as proof that things were happening. I still couldn’t feel him coming out. There was just too much pressure for me to feel any difference. I was still getting a little rest between contractions so during those times I laid there and breathed, trying to think “he’ll be out soon. This will all be over.” I had read that every woman gets to a point in their labor when they say “I can’t do this” and that that always means you’re almost done. During labor I didn’t think I would get to that point because of all I had been through already. I had been telling myself “I can do this” through all that. Well, I DID get to that point in labor. As I was pushing his head out I told Robert repeatedly “I can’t do this.” Of course, in my head I knew that was ridiculous because I had no other choice at this point but to get the kid out. Robert kept telling me that I was doing great and that I CAN do it. I was almost done. Robert said “he’s coming, PJ, he’s coming!” I was so happy that Robert kept saying that because I still felt like nothing was happening. Him telling me that was keeping me going. I even ignored a couple of contractions just because I was so exhausted that I didn’t want to push. Finally, they said “okay, his head is out!” and I was shocked. I didn’t feel any different yet. Then they had me flip to hands and knees so that his body could rotate to get out. I don’t know how I got to hands and knees, but I’m pretty sure I was pushed into that position. There’s no way I could do that on my own, with Noah’s head being earthside. I don’t remember if I pushed at this point, I think I gave a little push and Noah’s body just squirmed out. That part was easy. 

I looked down and saw a BABY lying on the bed. I was so happy to see him there. They told me to wait a second to make sure the cord was long enough for me to bring him to me, but I just remember grabbing him, sitting back, and saying “I did it” over and over. Noah was screaming as soon as I touched him. It’s neat that babies don’t need to have their noses and mouths suctioned. They just start breathing on their own when they’re healthy! Both Robert and I were crying, of course, and I looked at Robert in disbelief that I actually did it. I felt better immediately now that he was out. That was awesome! I laid on the bed with my sweet baby against my chest, falling in love with this little boy. He cried for a long time until I sang the "I'll love you forever" song. He found comfort in my voice :) 

I forgot that the placenta had to come out, but I felt another contraction later and they said the placenta was coming out. I asked if it would hurt because I was SO done with labor lol. It didn’t hurt, just felt super weird and squishy coming out. It took 20 minutes from Noah’s birth for the placenta to come out. Yay! No hemorrhage or uterine rupture or anything like that. My body isn’t broken!

I’m grateful to my amazing midwife, Joann Falcon of Missouri, for helping me achieve this safe delivery and for believing in my body’s ability to do this. I’m thankful for Robert, that he allowed me to have this home birth even though he was so nervous about it (he actually said no several times at first). It means SO MUCH to me that Robert trusted that I was making the safest decision for our baby and myself.

I had this beautiful labor and birth, the way God intended for it to be, and I felt amazing. I thanked God over and over and then thanked my midwife for everything. I got to birth my baby and be the first to touch him. No one took him away from me. I just got to be in bed with my sweet munchkin. I so wish I had this experience with Eli, but if it hadn’t been for my experience with Eli’s birth, I would not have had this beautiful, empowering, and healing moment. All I went through to get to this birth made this moment that much sweeter. I am so thankful, especially for the health of my baby and myself. This was a life changing moment, for sure.

**if you couldn't keep up, I was in active labor for 17 hours, and prodromal labor for almost 3 days before that. Also, Noah ended up being a HALF POUND SMALLER than Eli! My work paid off :) But he was still a sort of big baby and definitely had a big head...guess I'm made to birth big babies, even with my "small" pelvis. Oh, and I don't have to wear diapers the rest of my life because I don't have incontinence issues.

Noah Konnor Charnock

born April 16th, 10:12 am

8 lbs 13 oz, 22 inches long

15 inch head, 14 inch chest

Noah’s birth story, part 1: the VBAC journey

To keep this as short as possible, I’ll try not to explain the different terms and evidence, etc. If you have questions about any of it, you can ask me and I’ll be happy to answer and provide evidence and research :)

Ever since my c-section with Eli I was determined to be able to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) the next time. I had wanted a natural birth with Eli, but I ignored all the information on c-sections. I thought that I surely wouldn’t have one because I’m healthy and so was Eli. Well, I fell into the cesarean trap set up by my OB/GYN. My due date had been set back by 2 weeks even though I KNEW when he was conceived (letting them do that was my first mistake). She talked me into a cesarean because I was 1 day past that early due date and he had flipped breech. She never said he could flip back on his own or that we could try to flip him manually. If I had been “allowed” to at least go into labor first and try different things to flip him, I may not have even needed a c-section. I could have had up to 4 more weeks until labor to fix this. But I figured the doctor knew best because I was naive and didn’t do more research. 

Eli was 10 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. I wanted to find a midwife and have a home birth, but I didn’t really know how to do that. I googled and found a CNM (certified nurse midwife) close by. Back then I didn’t know that there are different kinds of midwives. In Kentucky, CNMs have to work under an OB. This CNM worked under two. Anyway, on the first visit I told her I had a c-section 10 months before and that I want a VBAC. I asked if she could attend home births and she said “no. You can’t have a home birth because you’re wanting a VBAC.” (What?) Well, okay. So I’ll have a hospital birth. Oh well. She then told me she couldn’t guarantee I’d be “allowed” (as if I can be forced to do something...) to have a VBAC because their policy is that you can only have a VBAC if you’ve had a previous vaginal delivery. Since I never had, I had to get special permission. She said she’d talk to the doctors and see if they would allow it. She then educated me on all the risks of a VBAC (but no risks of a repeat cesarean??). She talked about uterine rupture, of course, and made it sound horrible! I left the appointment being absolutely terrified of trying to VBAC because I didn’t want my baby to die. I did a lot of research and found that what she was talking about was called a catastrophic uterine rupture, which is really rare. Uterine rupture risk is less than 1% and most of those are asymptomatic. Uterine rupture can even happen to people that have never had a c-section. 

I knew I would have a better chance of having a hospital VBAC if I had a doula to help me make informed decisions and make the labor atmosphere more comfortable. I asked Robert to let me have one but since it would cost a few hundred dollars, he said no. After more fear mongering appointments, I cried and begged Robert to let me hire a doula. He finally said yes, if it would help me, then I could have a doula. That meant so much to me :)

I found a doula online and went to meet with her. I loved her! I told her my fears of the VBAC and of a repeat cesarean and she made me feel loads better. She educated me on some facts of birth. I also told her my concerns with having to deliver in the hospital with their crazy, cesarean trap policies for VBACs. She asked if I had considered having a home birth and told me what kind of midwife I would need to do that. I talked about it with Robert it and he said no. The CNM had scared him about the risks, too. Poor guy. I talked about switching providers, but Robert said we didn’t need to do that. So I held off for a while.

At one of the appointments, my fundal height was measuring a little big (like 1 or 2 cm bigger) so they ordered an ultrasound to make sure there wasn’t excess fluid. I prayed about it and hoped it wasn’t anything serious, but the ultrasound confirmed that I had a little excess fluid. My AFI (amniotic fluid index) was 1.5 above normal, which really shouldn’t have been a concern at that point since fluid can fluctuate and my fluctuation was mild. The CNM said that I have polyhydramnios and that “unfortunately, this makes your VBAC out of the question.” I asked why I couldn’t have a VBAC just because of a little excess fluid. She mentioned risks associated with polyhydramnios and mentioned “liability” and the doctors and such. I told her I could just refuse a c-section and she said “yeah, you could, but then I would get in trouble with the OBs and they would ask if I told you about all the risks, etc.” I asked “what decides whether or not I get to have a trial of labor?” She answered, “it depends on which doctor is on call.”

This is when I decided I have GOT to find a different provider because these people are obviously against my VBAC. There were many other red flags that I should have seen sooner (like them saying that my pelvis looks too small to birth a baby the size of my last one by just looking at my body), but Robert assured me that everything would be okay.

Since I was having this fluid problem, they referred me to a perinatologist in Louisville to make sure that there weren’t any problems with the baby that could be causing it. I asked if there were any perinatologists closer to us (Louisville is 3 hours away, plus the time change to eastern). The CNM said there are, but they work closely with this guy in Louisville and it’s just easier for them if I go there. She said this guy is who she would send her daughter to, because he was just that good. So I thought “well, I want the best for my baby, so I’ll go to Louisville.” 

I had another ultrasound a few days before Louisville, and it showed that the fluid had decreased and now I was only .5 over normal. Yay!! Baby was still breech and they made sure to tell me about that. I was 29 weeks pregnant. This concerned me because Eli was breech and I was afraid of that happening again. I met with the CNM after the ultrasound and she said she still wanted me to go to Louisville. I told her I could have my VBAC now and she said I’ll just need to see what the perinatologist says about my wishes for a VBAC. Um, okay...because he decides what I get to do with my body and baby. Over the next few days I prayed specifically that my fluid would be normal and that the baby would flip to head down.

Before the big Louisville appointment, I was secretly searching for a new provider. I did lots of internet searching and just happened to stumble upon people that I could talk to that gave helpful information and put me into private facebook groups that are dedicated to home birth in my area. I was again considering home birth, but I didn’t want to talk to Robert about it again until I had potential midwives and resources to put his mind at ease. I interviewed several midwives, but none of them were going to work. They either couldn’t attend VBACs because their back up doctor was against it or they were too busy for my birth month to be able to take me on. One person even said she wasn’t sure she could take me on because of the possibility of me having a big baby! (I wasn’t going to hire HER!)

After looking at all the midwives I had found from other people and not having any success with it, I accidentally found a midwife in Missouri (close to us) that seemed perfect. 20 something years of experience, half the price of the other midwives, able to provide a birth place free of charge (I’d rather not go to a hotel). I decided to interview her. She seemed wonderful. I liked her voice and she seemed truly supportive of my VBAC. She even told me what I could do to try and keep the baby from getting too big. I was seriously considering hiring her. I just needed to get the okay from my husband. After MUCH discussion and persuasion from a close friend, Robert finally said he’d think about it. He was still unsure about it, but I did everything I could to get his questions answered and make him feel more comfortable. Turns out that his biggest concern was the money since insurance wouldn’t cover it...but we discovered that the hospital would cost WAY more since we didn’t have maternity insurance (LONG story).

When we got to the Louisville office, I got a high tech ultrasound and saw my baby’s sweet face :) The ultrasound showed that he was now head down and that my fluid was within normal range!! I was super happy about this! I was so happy that I cried. Nothing was wrong with my baby!!

Then the perinatologist came in looking gloomy. He hands me a tissue and tries to make light conversation. I was thinking “let’s get on with it already.” He obviously had something bad to say. He didn’t look at my ultrasound results. Now, this part that I’m about to tell is not at all an exaggeration. It is exactly what happened, no embellishment.

He said that with my history of a big baby (Eli was 9lbs 5oz) and the fact that this would be my first vaginal delivery AND it was after a c-section, that my VBAC would fail.

Here are some things he said (again, I promise this is NOT exaggerated. These are his exact words):

-Your passenger (baby) is just too big. He WILL be over 10 lbs.

-You will not be able to push this baby out of your pelvis (funny, since he didn’t even examine my pelvis...not that that would tell them anything about my ability to birth)

-Even IF you can deliver this baby, you will most likely hemorrhage and lose your uterus. You want more children, don’t you?

-And if this baby is delivered vaginally, you will get a 4th degree laceration and have to wear diapers for the rest of your life for incontinence issues. You’re young and you don’t want to have to wear diapers for the rest of your life.

-The second c-section is easy. Even the third one. Just real quick incision and no problem (does this guy know anything about the risks of cesareans!?!?)

-I know you want the best for your baby, but you have to think of YOUR health, too.

-I strongly advise against a vaginal delivery.

-I could be wrong, but I’ve been doing this for 27 years and I’m almost never wrong.
-Whatever happens, please let me know how it went. Let me know if he turns out to be 12 lbs or something. (oh, I’ll let you know how it goes)

Well, maybe if I delivered in that horrible environment with those providers that think pregnancy is a disease then he might be right and my VBAC might fail.

We left the appointment and I cried so hard. Robert was extremely upset by all he heard. Now Robert knew I wasn’t crazy. They really were against my VBAC for reasons that have nothing to do with the safety of my baby or myself. They wanted to cover their butts. Robert couldn’t believe what that guy had said. Also, he didn’t even address the fluid issue which is the whole reason we were there!! For whatever reason, I’m sure that he was told by the doctors back home to tell me all of those things. They think they’re clever. First they pull the dead baby card (that didn’t work), then they pulled the dead mommy card (that didn’t work) and now they’re telling me I’ll never be able to have children again (that’s not going to work either, sorry). 

I wasn’t being stubborn just to obtain an “experience.” You can be sure that I only based my decisions off of actual research of conducted studies and off of ACOG guidelines/bulletins. I was doing this VBAC for the health of my baby and myself AND my future babies (yeah, cesareans can affect future pregnancies in very dangerous ways). I was doing this because I want a healthy baby and healthy self.

Anyway, we left that appointment and Robert said we are going to have a home birth. So I called the last midwife I interviewed, Joann Falcon of Missouri, and hired her. My first appointment with her would be at 33 weeks pregnant. I cleaned out my records from the CNM/OBs office and never showed up to my follow up appointment to discuss what happened in Louisville. 

Now that I hired the midwife, I was much more confident in my ability to do this. My first appointment with her was great. She assured me I was very low risk and that I was doing the best thing for my baby. For the first time in months, I left a prenatal appointment NOT crying. I was happy. She didn’t try to put fear in me. She encouraged me and it was obvious that she believes in the woman’s ability to birth babies. She doesn’t think pregnancy is a disease or a train wreck waiting to happen.

During this pregnancy, I stressed so much over this whole thing. I did SO MUCH research, I could write a dissertation. Someone even told me I deserve an honorary doctorate, which isn’t true, but maybe that gives you an idea of how much work I did.

I also did many things to prepare for birth. I read books and did certain exercises. I only positioned my body in certain ways so that the baby would be in the best position possible for birth (totally hated doing that stuff). I even changed my diet a little and did simple weight lifting exercises to keep the baby from getting too big. I worked very hard for this VBAC to happen and I prayed so hard for everything to be perfect. Many, many tears were shed during this pregnancy. Those tears were few after I switched providers, though :)

For my birth story read: Noah’s birth story, part 2: birth