Purer in Heart: my birth story

My baby boy was due September 16, 2012. The last several weeks leading up to the due date, I went to the doctor every week. For the last 2 months (maybe) the doctor kept telling me that she thought Eli would arrive at least a week late, because he wasn't dropping at all. I never looked forward to the doctor appointments because I always walked out disappointed that my baby wasn't dropping and I didn't want to have any interventions. I wanted to have an all natural labor and delivery. I had typed out a plan, discussed it with my doctor, and sent the plan to the hospital. I was determined to go natural. I wanted it so bad. I did try to be realistic, though, because I know labor never goes exactly as you plan...but I figured if the only problem was the pain I would feel then I could definitely suck it up and go through with it. I spent much of my pregnancy researching on natural births and I was very excited about doing it. Anyway...

The Tuesday before my due date (the 16th was on a Sunday), I had what I had hoped to be my final appointment. The doctor said Eli had progressed more downward and that I was 90% effaced!! She also said that my urine had progesterone in it which, according to her, means that labor is about to happen. She said we should expect me to go into labor the weekend of my due date. Oh, I was SO excited! Finally, we were making progress. She wanted to check me again on Thursday to see if I had dilated any, but when Thursday's appointment came, I had not made any more progress. The doctor said she would allow me to go all the way to 10 days past my due date before I had to be induced. I thought he would come way before that, certainly. We made another appointment for the Monday after my due date...I had hoped that we would have to cancel :)

Robert came with me to Monday's appointment, and we even packed our stuff in the car, just in case. The doctor checked my cervix...still no progress. So she brought in the portable ultrasound machine to see what was going on and to check my fluids. I couldn't tell what I was looking at...just looked like junk to me. The doctor started sighing and saying words that I won't repeat (she doesn't have much of a filter on her mouth)...so I freaked out and asked "WHAT'S WRONG?!?!"

She said "ahhh the baby is footling breech."

Me:..."NOOOOOO!!"

(Yes, I actually screamed out loud. I'm sure the whole office could hear me. Now that I look back on it, it's kind of funny...)

Now we knew why he had never dropped.

Robert had no idea what that meant. He thought "breech" meant that the baby is about to come out or something...poor guy. So he didn't understand why I was crying. He asked what that was supposed to mean for me.

The doctor told him that I would have to deliver via cesarean section because he was too big to turn around. (My stubborn little boy...)

At this point, the doctor looked at me and saw that I was crying (hard). She tried to console me and said I could go natural next time... but that didn't make me feel better! All I could think about was the fact that recovery would be extremely difficult, the baby might have trouble with breastfeeding, I wouldn't get to hold him right away...and my entire plan had gone out the window.

(Not to mention I had done zero research on cesarean sections...like that would ever happen to ME....)

The doctor left to go make the appointment and give me time to collect myself. There was no "collecting" myself. As soon as she left the exam room, I cried even harder. My sweet husband held me and tried to talk about the positives...the baby would be here the next day....and his head wouldn't be cone-shaped...

We left the doctor's office and called family and friends. My calls were just me crying, basically.

I talked to one friend on the phone, and she suggested that we just go out that night and spend time together for our last night as just the two of us...so we did. We went to pig out at O'Charley's (LOVE) and then went to Target to buy some things that would help with my recovery (cute, comfy pajama gowns...and other things). We dropped Maestro (my dog) off with his puppy sitter, did all the last minute things before bed, then snuggled and prayed together. After we finished praying together, I fell asleep crying and praying silently.

The next morning came too soon. I got 3 hours of sleep because I woke up way too early and couldn't get back to sleep. I was thankful for those 3 hours, though. At 4:30 am we got everything ready (packed the camera!!) and took one last picture of my pregnant self.

um...ew.

We arrived at the hospital and had to wait for a little while. My heart was racing while we were waiting. I could tell Robert was really worried, but he was trying not to show it so I wouldn't be more scared.

He didn't know I was taking the picture...he was just looking at me. Doesn't he look worried? :)

They brought me back and started prepping me for the surgery. They asked all kinds of questions so I gave them my life story while they poked and taped things to me. One nurse was putting something in my arm, and got blood EVERYWHERE. I'm talking all over my arm, the bed, the floor, and the wall. The wall? Really? I don't even know how that happened.

Then they gave me some alka seltzer water to neutralize stomach acid. That stuff was so nasty, I almost vomited it back up.

The anesthesiologist came in to discuss what was about to happen to my body and to make me sign a paper saying that I knew what risks were involved...(at this point, I'm even more nervous).

The whole time they prepped me I was just having to breathe deeply and I was trying not to let anyone see my teary eyes.

They gave Robert the outfit to put on and he asked if he had to strip first...(LOL the outfit was see-through! Talk about comic relief)

They wheeled me to the OR and told me that Robert couldn't come in until after they put in the spinal. I hated that, because I didn't want him to leave my sight. I had probably 3 people in there rubbing my shoulders and stroking my hair as I was crying (still) as they put in the spinal.

People told me I wouldn't feel them put it in. Wrong. It only lasted a second, but it felt like a wasp sting. They laid me down and I immediately started feeling my body go numb from stomach down. It was really weird. They pinched me all over my body to make sure I wasn't in pain where the numb area was. It took a minute, but I finally could feel a difference between the pinch on my shoulder and the pinch on my stomach.

They brought Robert in and I was SO happy to see my sweet husband! He was standing up, but I asked him to sit down because I DID NOT want him to look at my cut up body, because I would see his face and then I would be freaking out more. He did look, though...but he stayed strong for me.

They started cutting me open and I could feel them moving around inside me. It didn't hurt, it was just the pressure of them touching me. Again, weird.

Robert held my hand the entire time while I was crying and praying to God that my sweet baby and myself would be okay.

I felt a few giant tugs and I heard them say that the baby was out. I couldn't hear him crying yet. I'm sure it was probably only a few seconds, but the wait for his first cry seemed like an eternity. I couldn't see him (they didn't show him to me) but I could finally hear him cry and then I started bawling, of course. I felt so relieved that my precious boy was alright. I looked up at Robert as Eli was crying and could see that Robert was crying, too. That was the sweetest moment of my entire life. He didn't even cry like that on our wedding day. He wanted to stay with me but I told him that it was okay to go see the baby. Actually, I really wanted him to go see Eli, take pictures, and make sure he was alright. I heard the nurse say "he's a healthy, 9 lb 5 oz baby boy!" and everyone in the room gasped at his hugeness.

When Robert came back to me, I asked all kinds of questions. What did he look like? Did he have hair? What color was it? I smiled when Robert said his hair looked reddish :)

Robert then held the camera to my face and showed me the first picture of my beautiful baby.

Oh, it makes me cry to see this picture. He came out conducting :)

At this point, I no longer felt relief...I started to feel nauseous. A friend told me the day before the surgery to make sure to let them know if I feel even the slightest bit of nausea. So I told them that I was starting to feel sick. It was just a little bit sick, but it escalated quickly. Before they could give me the medicine that would counteract the nausea, I started vomiting. This was the worst part of my experience. I couldn't feel my stomach, so it felt like I had forgotten how to vomit. It was hard to make it come out. I guess this is why they have a suction tube thingy at the ready...because they started sucking it out of my mouth. Gross, I know, but it happened. I cried through that, too, because it felt AWFUL! The medicine they stuck me with started working immediately, though, and I started to feel much better.

Then it felt like I couldn't breathe, like some big fat kid was sitting on my lungs. And no, it wasn't MY big fat kid. He was already out, remember? I asked the doctor how much longer it was going to be, because breathing was difficult. She said 20 minutes, and the reason I couldn't breathe is because my uterus was outside my body??? Well, it took much less than 20 minutes...maybe 5 or 10.

FINALLY it was over!! They sent daddy with the baby and rolled me into the recovery room. I was told I would have to be there for 2 hours. That made me feel kind of bad, because my friend, Lindsey, had been waiting the whole time (which I really appreciated). So she would have to wait longer. Finally, she went home and came back later, which I'm glad about because it took forever to get settled into a room.

They finally let me hold Eli and feed him...3 hours after his birth....which I was not happy about, but oh well. My natural birth plan went out the window, so why not destroy my entire plan altogether? I'm not bitter....(yes, I am.)

Even though it was a tough pregnancy and delivery didn't go as planned, I would go through the agony all over again to get my sweet, precious, beautiful son!

I love you so much, my Eli bug!!