I don't live there.

"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 3:13-14


Today I am going to write on a subject that has weighed heavily on me for months, even years. I'm sure it's something many can relate to, but I don't usually hear people talking about it. I have wanted to write about it before but I wasn’t sure that I could find the words that would best help others to understand what I mean. Maybe I have found the words now, or maybe not, but I’ve waited too long to get it off my chest.

I'm talking about our pasts. My past, specifically.

I have found a picture recently that has helped me find some words:

This quote is dear to me because it makes me feel like SOMEONE out there understands. I’m sure many do, but I am a human of the woman kind so I have a habit of thinking that I’m the ONLY one with a certain problem. My bad.

Even though I was never a tattooed, street gangster like this image depicts, I do have a past that I regret. Not my whole past, but certainly many parts of it do I wish to forget. And I’m finding more of those instances as life goes on, although fortunately, they are certainly fewer.

There are so many people that knew me in the past that no longer know me. People from high school, people from college, old church friends, teachers, employers, etc. Many times I think of the person I was or the mistakes I made when those people knew me and I feel embarrassed because of it. It makes me sad to think that if those people ever thought of me again, they would think of the person I WAS, and not the person I might have become since they knew me.

I was not always a Christian. I was not raised to be the person that I am trying to be. Even after becoming a Christian, I have still made too many embarrassing/stupid mistakes to count. Most of those mistakes involve my inability to keep my mouth shut.

I was not always as spiritually mature as I am now. I am not as spiritually mature right now as I will be next month, next year, or 30 years from now. I am constantly changing. I am constantly being molded by God through his word and through prayer.

Since I know that I have changed...so much...even in the past 2 years, I try to believe that others have, as well. I try to believe others have changed for the better, like I have. If you are reading this and feel like you can totally relate, just have the assurance that SOMEONE (me) is giving you the benefit of the doubt. I am believing that you may have changed and I’m believing that you are still changing. Constantly.

I’m changing myself from who I was a week ago, yesterday, today...

Consider that some things may be harder for others than they are for you because of their upbringing or past events that have made them into who they are. There’s a purpose for every human behavior, and it’s not usually in bold letters screaming at us.

Example:

I may have said something hurtful about your family because I was jealous that I didn’t have great parents like that. I may have become angry that you didn’t put your seat belt on because I have had a dear friend die from not being strapped in. (These are just examples. They may or may not have actually happened.)

So please, before you get angry at a person, try to think of the reasons WHY someone says or does something. TRY to understand. Sure, it may not be an excuse for their behavior, but it will help you to understand the reason behind it which will give you some peace.

My favorite piece of advice that I was ever given (well, actually, it came from an online article...) is to always assume that people have the best intentions. They may not, but you usually don’t know, so it’s better to think positively about it. I have trouble with the whole “they’re out to get me” thing. I know that people aren’t always out to get me. This advice really helps me to be happy. And I’m sure most of the time that people really do have good intentions. People want to help. I assume that because I have good intentions many times when I accidentally hurt feelings or give advice.

It has become evident through many cases over the years, that people still remember stupid things I have done, said, and have been involved in. I have something to say to those people:

Don’t judge me by my past, however distant or recent, because I don’t live there anymore.

You are always changing. Make yourself change for the better. Don’t worry about your past. YOU DON’T LIVE THERE!

Much love, friends :)