10 Ways to Improve Your Marriage (for women)

These are just some simple ways that you can improve your marriage immediately. This is not an exhaustive list and is in no particular order.


1. Smile
   
   We want to complain about our bad day or give our husband a list of chores to do when he gets home, but you have to remember that he's coming home from work. He wants to come home to a happy, relaxing place where he feels like he's done something right. If you smile when he first gets home and greet him with a kiss, he will become happier little by little. Don't just smile when he gets home...smile when you wake up, when he says something that's supposed to be funny, or when he's getting on your nerves. Make your home a place that he'll want to come back to!


2. Remind him of what he is to you
    
    Your husband wants to be your hero. He wants to know that he's doing a good job at being a man. Don't criticize his ability to fix things, to make money, etc. He wants to support and provide for you. We need to let our husbands know that we love them for working hard for us. Thank your husband for being a strong spiritual leader for your home. Thank him when he makes a good decision. Thank him for always protecting you. Tell your husband that you feel safe with him. He wants you to see him as a strong man that you look up to and depend on. 


3. Initiate sexual contact


    I know this is an uncomfortable subject to talk or think about, but it's very important to the marriage relationship...for both men and women. If the man is always the one having to ask or initiate sex, he's going to feel like some kind of animal and think that he disgusts you. Eventually, he may stop initiating altogether. Without being prompted by him, try to initiate sensuality. Let him know you want him and that you find him attractive. This will help both of you enjoy sex more. When you initiate, he knows you want it and that makes him feel better. He wants to be wanted. Many women have trouble with the sex issue because they aren't very sexual or maybe don't find it too enjoyable. Try new things, talk with your husband about what you want, and pray. Yes, pray about it. I don't think there's anything wrong with praying to God to help fulfill the sexual needs in your marriage.


4. Be slow to anger...and irritation


    Sometimes our husbands can be annoying. They try to talk our heads off when we're trying to concentrate on something or they keep touching us when we don't want to be touched, etc. Instead of getting irritated, find the humor in it. Laugh as you ask him kindly to stop doing whatever that is annoying you. Instead of sighing and griping about him leaving the toilet seat up, make a joke about it. Be light and bright when you try to get him to change his behavior. When he does a desirable action, "reward" him for it...positive reinforcement. If he has always put his dirty clothes on the floor and then one day puts a shirt in the basket, make sure to thank him for it...again, in a NICE and not irritated, sarcastic way. Of course, with some things you just have to let it go. It used to drive me nuts when Robert would leave the shampoo bottle in the wrong place after using it. I asked him over and over to stop doing that and put it back where it belongs. Eventually, I just stopped nagging him about it and put it back myself without complaint...after all, it's really not that big of a deal...half a second to put it back where it goes...and guess what? I haven't seen that bottle out of place in months.


5. Pray and study together


     It is helpful to pray together in the morning and at night. This helps you both remember that God is supposed to be the center of your relationship. You can take this prayer time to pray specifically for your marriage: that you'll keep God first, be slow to anger, etc. This will also help you grow spiritually together. Studying or discussing biblical things has the same effect. It doesn't always have to be a formal study, but I suggest doing one of those at least once a week. The more the better. It is important that you grow together in your relationship with God! That's your purpose in your marriage: to get your spouse to Heaven.


6. Take an interest


     Many times, our husbands get into things that we really aren't interested in...at all. Think about the things that you like that your husband may not be into. Don't we want them to like our interests, too? Even if you are bored to death with his activities, act like you're interested. Ask him questions about it and even participate in it. You may end up liking it! When we first got Netflix, Robert starting watching Merlin. It sounded dull to me and I didn't want to watch, but I tried to watch it with him and I became completely hooked! I LOVE that show! Our husbands like to show off to us...so give them the satisfaction of sharing their interests with you. 


7. Be supportive


   Husbands want to know that you support their decisions. It makes them more confident about being the leader of your home. Encourage your husbands in what they want to do (as long as it's morally sound, that is). Of course, you can give him your input if you think it's not a wise decision, but do it in a way that won't make him feel inadequate as a leader. When Robert decided he wanted to go to MSOP, I was really nervous and scared of it because it would be a huge change. I decided it was a great opportunity for us, even though it's a big step. When he decided to wait until after I graduated college to go, I thanked him and let him know how much I appreciated his decision to wait two years. Now I am completely excited about going, even though it is a big change. He's mentioned several times to me how important it is that I support him in this endeavor. One day, I came home to flowers and a card that said how much he appreciated my support. Being supportive and encouraging will help him be a better spouse to you, too!


8. Thank him


    I touched on this a little in another point, but I think it deserves its own point. We tend to nag and complain when the hubby doesn't do something, but we forget to notice when he DOES do something. If you always have to ask him to feed the cats, but one day he does it without you asking, thank him for it. If you want him to be more touchy without having to ask for it, thank him when he does touch you. Let him know that you love it when he does ______. I love it when my husband hugs me from behind while I'm cooking. I always make sure to let him know that I love it...and now he does it a lot more!


9. Dress modestly


    My body belongs to my husband, and his body belongs to me. I don't want other women staring at him or thinking about him in inappropriate ways....he's mine. Our husbands feel the same way about us. They want us all to themselves. So, dress in a way that says "I'm taken." When you get dressed, look in the mirror and bend way forward...can you see part of your breasts? If you can, then you need to wear something different. We need to avoid shirts that have low fronts, low backs, see through material, or are tight. We need to avoid bottoms that come up above the knee, are tight, see through, etc. We should be covered from shoulder to knee. An honest man will tell you that chests, backs, and thighs get their attention...so cover them up, for your husband...and the husbands of other women, and men in general. You belong to your husband, and he's the only one that should be able to see what you look like underneath. If God defines it as nakedness, then we should too. Modesty doesn't only include how much skin you're showing, it also includes not wearing things that grab attention. It includes the way you act. You can read more about modesty on Cindy Colley's blog here.


10. Improve together


    Most likely, your husband wants to be a better spouse to you, as well. There are several ways to improve together. There are excellent marriage books out there. One that I suggest reading is "You're Singing My Song" by Glenn and Cindy Colley. Reading marriage books together can be really beneficial.
There is also a retreat for married couples that takes place every February. Look into Great Smoky Mountain Marriage Retreat for more information. I've only been able to go on this retreat once, but I loved every second of it. It made our marriage better through the application of what was taught. I had a great time spending the weekend with Robert to focus on our marriage. I highly recommend this retreat and I plan on going again!




I hope that you will take these simple points to help improve your marriage. Always look for more ways to make your relationship better!